I Was Going to Kill Myself on My Birthday

Finding Hope when Dealing with Depression

We occasionally receive messages about how Victor’s story has helped others through difficult times.  The letter below is from a young man that read Victor’s book and found that the story and testimony had a very positive influence on him as someone who struggles with depression as well as the impact of trauma. We have found the book to be highly effective in helping others through difficult and very dark times.  Here is one person’s account.

Victor Marx's story has helped many people deal with depression, anger and other—————————————-

Mr. Victor Marx,

How did you do it? How did you manage to endure long enough for God’s work to be done in your life? How did you not give up, and have you thought of what would have happened had you given up, when it all seemed like it would never get any better?

I was given your book The Victor Marx Story: With God, All Things Are Possible to me by a mentor of mine joking saying, “Here you go Vic this is be a perfect book for you to read, it has your name on it too.” I’m not sure if they had ever read it before or knew what it was about but he was reading the back to me and I cut him off saying, “You’re funny Ben but I got you man I’ll put it in my backpack right now and get around to it on my free time.” I can’t relate to some of your experiences but I can relate to a lot of the emotions, a lot of the pain, the feelings of hopeless, and I could relate to those hurt feelings.

It’s crazy because I felt that God felt compelled to give that mentor of mine your book that day so I could read a story from “me to me” because every page I turned I saw my name and felt God talking to me through your words. See I’m very stubborn and so when I read your book I was looking at everything almost as if I was talking to myself and had to understand. I’m not sure if that made sense but it was powerful to me seeing my name in a book of so much pain yet so much glory in the name of God. For awhile I’ve been angry still and though I know I shouldn’t be mad at God but I’ve been struggling to understand and come to terms with God’s promises with me and how something better comes from the bad.

I had two of my younger sisters pass away in 2008 and had turned away from God in anger not seeing at the age of eleven that I shouldn’t have been angry then and God didn’t take them from me that the devil took them from this world but God took their spirits with Him. For awhile I’ve been questioning my faith now and whether God really does love me the He says He does, I don’t feel like I’m worth much, or that I even belong because I can never seem to do anything right, I feel alone in the world and just want to be with Him already so God can comfort me, I’m tired of suffering and dealing with things here on this earth. 

I had plans of killing myself this Saturday on my birthday but I’m thinking why should I now when Victor clearly just wrote how he lived through and overcame the suffering he managed to endure for so long. I’m so lost man. I have my faith but it seems like that all I have is God and I know it should be enough and His love should be enough but it doesn’t always feel enough some days when my depression hits worse. How you managed to endure amazes me and truly is a testimony.

Thank you for your story Victor. I’m going to see my 20th birthday out this year and see if I can find help because clearly one Victor endured long enough for the works to be done in his life that God intended. 

From a lost kid found,

Providing Hope for Those that Suffer from Depression and Trauma

Victor’s story and testimony provide inspiration for others that deal with depression and trauma. Learn more about Victor’s story and find out how his experience could benefit you or someone you care for.

Listen to “The Victor Marx Story”

If you would like to hear Victor’s book, just visit our book page and click over to hear the chapters.

Want to Help?

ATP Ministries provides healing resources to victims of trauma, abuse and neglect.  We are grateful for your prayers as well as for your financial support.  To help to ATP’s work, please visit our Donation Page and contribute today.


Help us write more stories, like this one.


Stay connected with our work around the world.